All those months when my mom was sick with liver cirrhosis I lived each day in denial and anger, all because of my fear of losing her.
And it didn’t occur to me until today, more than a month after her passing, that while we were all too preoccupied with doing everything that we think would prolong her life, she was very much prepared to come face to face with our Creator.
Countless times I bargained with God to spare her life, recited novenas, prayed the rosary, cried out to the heavens in utter desperation.
But I felt it in my heart that God was saying “No.”
It had me devastated.
And I grew even more anxious, depressed and hopeless.
Hear my prayer, O Lord;
let my cry come to You.
Do not hide Your face from me
in the day of my distress.
Incline Your ear to me;
answer me speedily in the day when I call.
~ Psalm 102:1-2
I remember telling my mom to ask God to heal her.
But everytime I did, her response would always be, “God’s will be done.”
Every single day I watched her slowly slip away from us in prayerful submission to God’s plan.
Perhaps she knew that she would leave soon.
He has broken my strength in midcourse;
He has shortened my days.
~ Psalm 102:23
God did not give me what I wanted and the pain was beyond my capacity to feel.
But amidst the heartache and the tears He gave me what I needed – the grace to accept what was to come.
And to my mom He granted nothing but the best – perfect healing and the gift of eternal life.
I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in Me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die.
~ John 11:25-26